Babies and communication

Här kommer äntligen andra avsnittet av Back to basics – babies, bodies and behaviour med Mel Cyrille och mig, Ulrika Casselbrant. I detta avsnitt har vi haft fokus på bebisars kommunikation. Vi berör bland annat hur fysisk närhet påverkar hur bebisar kommunicerar sina behov.

Mel Cyrille, är författare till boken In-arms carrying och precis som jag bärandekonsult. Podden är tänkt att beröra allt från bärande, babypottning, barfota,  föräldraskap och mer!

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Transkription Back to basics – babies, bodies and behavior
Avsnitt 2 Babies and communication

Ulrika:  Welcome to Back to Basics Babies, Bodies and Behaviour and this is a podcast with Mel Cyrille and me, Ulrika ?? and I guess we should start with introducing ourselves.  My name is Ulrike ?? and I live in Sweden, Stockholm.  I am a babywearing consultant and also babywearing educator, I guess you could say.  I run a peer-supporting course, I have also written a book about elimination communication and I am a doula. And you, Mel, you want to say some words about you?

 

Mel:         Yeah.  I am Mel Cyrille.  I live in Ipswich in England and I’m a babywearing and in-arms carrying trainer.  I’m the author of In-Arms Carrying and I do some public speaking as well.

 

U:  Yes, great, and my book about elimination communication is in Swedish, so not many English readers yet.

 

M: Yes, unfortunately.

 

U:  (book name in Swedish), in case listeners are wondering what book that is.  And today’s subject for the pod is babies and communication and we have also got some questions about this.  I asked some of our listeners and asked some of our Facebook group that I am in about questions concerning babies and communication.  So, we will ring up some listeners about those questions during the pod.  I guess we could talk about what is communication when it comes to babies and what does it look like.  Do you want to say any words to start out with that one?

 

M: Yeah.  Well, it comes in different forms, doesn’t it?  So, we have physical and verbal communication and each type of communication can be more or less effective depending on how aware we are of that form of communication.  A lot of communication goes unnoticed, doesn’t it, especially with babies, as not all of their communication is understood by every caregiver.

 

U:  No, and I guess some of the communication can be very subtle and some more loud, and I guess what you first think about is, like, the sound of screaming and when reading books about child psychology it’s, the screaming is brought up a lot, but I think like all the other ways of communication for the baby is much more, would you say, versatile? Or like, important? It’s much more messages.

 

M: Definitely

 

U:  But something that would connect communication to the things we talked about last episode was reflexes and I think it’s so interesting how babies communicate through reflexes a lot in the beginning.

 

M: Yeah, definitely

 

U: Also, about the big, how do you say? their body, like movement, big movements like we talked about an the kind of the whole, the whole theme of the communication is like to the parents, ‘take care of me’, ‘hold me’, cuddle me’, ‘stroke me’, ‘touch me’, because it’s essential for the baby because they wouldn’t survive if we didn’t take care of them for the first couple of months onwards, but, of course, it is important.  But about the reflexes, there are also these sound reflexes that they have, that they use.  Priscilla Dunstan, do you know?

 

M: Dunstan Baby Language? Yes, absolutely.

 

U:  They haven’t done any research studies for this and this is obviously reflex sounds like ‘meh’ for hunger and the sound of ‘ow’ for and ‘heh’ for not feeling comfortable.  I have seen this even with my older children (???) there was a lot of ‘meh’.  ‘Meh, meh, meh’ and ‘ow’.  So I heard it quite a lot.  So, even though they haven’t had scientific studies on this yet, they have, I do think there can be something with this.

 

M: I agree

 

U:  And so it’s not just reflexes that the body uses for muscle contractions, like limbs, there is also reflexes when it comes to sound.  That’s a form of communication, but I don’t know if these reflex sounds, if there are more innate signals from the baby than early signals from the baby.  I guess it depends on the baby as well, so.  But, of course, there is also things like eye contact, giving the smile, posture as well.  They communicate with their posture, especially when you are holding them, and noise, other noise like grunting and stuff like that, of course.  Do you have anything more to say about that, about my explanation and what you can count as baby communication?

 

M: Well, I think you’ve covered it pretty well there.  I think also important to recognise that the communication is two-way as well, that we should be communicating with our babies as well and I think that comes up a lot in EC.  The focus being on the communication side of things kind of opens up a different sort of dialogue between caregiver and baby, doesn’t it? But not just verbally, recognising what they’re communicating to us and reflecting that back to them, and that’s important too, obviously, but also the fact that we can communicate to them with our bodies as well, sort of, a very basic example is, you know, when they’re needing to be held and the fact that the act of holding them to our bodies is communication in and of itself, isn’t it?  Yes, I think it’s very interesting.

 

U:  The act of holding, communicating, like, to the baby ”I’m holding you”, you are saying?

 

M: Yeah, yeah, the contact, the bodily contact is signalling to them through their skin, isn’t it? So, yeah, all very, very fascinating.

 

U: I think it’s so, I mean, they have done research on premature babies and the ? care and, like,  having the babies skin-to-skin helps with regulating the heartbeat, temperature and also that the child should remember to breathe, because the child might not remember to breathe at all times and it need to be reminded to breathe sometimes and use, like, the waterbed, so that the baby’s own movement would trigger, like, to remember to breathe.  Also, that the baby is held chest-to-chest.  That’s very much communication from the parent’s body through the baby’s body and I think that’s very fascinating and I guess also, like, the exchange of hormones going on or oxytocin from the baby triggers oxytocin in the mother and prolactin and stuff like that, so it’s also important, but we don’t talk about it as communication that much, but I’m thinking it must be.  One of the questions that we got from Gabriella ?? in Sweden was how babies’ communication changes over time from baby to toddler, generally and also, like, concerning elimination communication and breastfeeding.  And maybe if we just some words about what elimination communication is, if someone does not know that, but elimination communication means that you learn the baby’s routines or signals or you use your own intuition for when the baby is communicating that it needs to eliminate, pee or poop, and you can use a potty to facilitate this if you want to.  You are, like, answering the baby’s signals or routine by offering a place for the baby to pee or poop.  But it could be also be the diaper or the toilet or potty.  Usually you hold the baby in the spread squat position because it makes it easier for the baby to poop. Yes, so, back to the question, how does babies’ communication change over time?  Do you want to start with that one?

 

M: Yeah, well, as you touched on earlier, all babies are different with their communication.  There are a lot of things that babies tend to do, which makes becoming aware of what they’re trying to say easier to understand if you’ve got some point of reference, So for example we were talking about the reflexive sounds they make, you know, we hear these sounds anyway, don’t we? Regardless of whether we know what they mean or not. But having information which clarifies what they could mean opens up a whole new world, doesn’t it? Erm, so yeah, babies tend to communicate both verbally and physically. So physically in terms of body movements and eye contact and all of that, so over time it tends- over time it changes, it I think varies from baby to baby. Well it certainly has with my three, for mine, who I’ve practiced EC with, they’ve had things which were very similar. Um, especially, I think I’ve been more aware of the physical communication that they’ve…communicated by. Erm, so for example my *sigh* my thirds child [laughing] I can’t remember, I’ve got so many! [both laughing] He um, [coughs] something that he used to do as he, um, began exploring his environment when he was crawling, he would come back to me and hit me. And think it was basically his way of um… So I’d been signing do you want to got to the toilet to him, so he’d obviously learned that this meant toilet, and I think it was a friend of mine, actually, who made the connection. I was like, I sign to him, but he doesn’t make the connection, he comes and hits me! And she was like, “But it’s kind of like what you’re doing, it might be his, you know, less refined motor skills kind of way of signing back to you!” Because it’s kind of, it’s quite a complicated hand action by getting your finger into that position, so yeah what I’m trying to say with this is it’s interesting that when a baby’s not able to communicate with the words that you are communicating to them, because to them, when they’re babbling, I’m sure that they’re talking to us as we’re talking to them but it’s not making sense to us ‘cause they haven’t refined their speech yet and it’s interesting thinking about how babies interpret different ways of trying to communicate and come up with their own ways of doing it. And I think it can be difficult because you have to really be present to um, [tut] to how they’re communicating and make these links because when she said it, it was like “oh yeah, that’s actually really obvious!” but it’s never obvious [laughs] before someone points it out, is it?! Or it isn’t for me!

 

U:  Yeah I know I recorded my youngest son once when he was at the table eating when he was maybe 10, 11 months old, and I just recorded for fun because, you know, it would be fun to have later on, I thought. And when I looked at the video I was like “Oh, he is communicating so much and I didn’t see it!”, you know? I saw some of the stuff, but not the big dialogue he was carrying on, so…it was like, I sometimes tell that to parents that, film yourself with you baby and see if other stuff happens that…

 

M:  That’s a really good idea! Yeah.

 

U:  And I think we really should discuss the question of, like, er, how, what can make it easier for you to understand your baby. But I just want to say something about…sorry did you want to say anything more on that?

 

M:  No, no, no!

 

U: Erm, my, how I observe communication, when it comes to EC and also now I think a lot when it comes to general communication from the baby, it’s very much reflexive in the beginning, especially when it comes to EC and then communicating that they need to pee and poop because from the beginning they feel a sensation, like we do when we are grown ups. We can’t know how they feel it, how it feels in the body, but they feel that something is going on, something feels different and they will communicate that, and when, I know my son, when he was 2 or 3 or 4 months old he would signal to me that he needed to pee by, erm, by making eye contact and by making this sound – “EH!” – and then he could be kind of surprised when I took him to the bathroom and take off the diaper and he would pee, and he’d be like “what?! What are you doing?” You know? But he couldn’t choose not to signal – he would, like, signal without knowing what would happen next. But then when he got to about 8 months, he would stop this signalling. And he could more choose to signal or not to signal, and that was very frustrating! [laughs]

 

M:  Yeah!

 

U:  But then after a while he started to use the sign language for pee when he was about 10 months, I think, and he did it for about a week and I was so slow in getting, in understanding him, that then he stopped, and I was like, NO!!! [both laughing] But then…

 

M:  He was like, “You weren’t listening to me! You’ve missed your chance now!” [laughs]

 

U: Yeah! And then he was 11 months, and then he started to say “kkss”, like the sound I had be using with him when I was holding him over the toilet, I would say “kkss” and he started using that himself. And saying “kkssa”, “kissa” is the word in Swedish for pee. And then he could like, choose to say it or not to say it, so that was voluntary, and that’s like with the physical reflexes that get integrated in carrying, they also get like, they change and can be voluntary.

 

M:  Yeah definitely.

 

U:  But they’re still there, I can still, I can watch my 8 year old and 6 year old sometimes and they, I can see they need to pee, they have a very hard time standing still. [both laughing] So of course there are still reflexes but a lot of it is much more voluntary.

 

M:  It’s really interesting, the sound thingy you said, ‘cause both number 3 and number 4 did a similar thing, um, with number 3 it was at 8 months old doing a “pphhhh” sound and um, I think it was at 7 months for number 4, and it was like *gasp* Oh my God! This is like, MY communication! This whole like, WOW thing going on! Um but that, where I’m going with this is it leads into another, er, question that we had, and I don’t have the names…someone asked about, what do I do about my baby, um, protesting the potty, not wanting to use it and then when I leave them alone they then happily go and, and [get a nap 00:20:10] or what have you.

 

U:            You’ll give them a toy or something that distracts them. It’s, the question by [Inaudible 00:20:15].

 

M:           Okay.

 

U:            In Sweden, yes.

 

M:           Yes, so I said, I’m, when, when I read that question, I had a little chuckle because, um, obviously, it may, it may not happen for every baby but it’s very, such a common thing that I hear and I’ve experienced with my own children. Um, so how you were talking about that question, I don’t know if I’ve interpreted it in a different way. Is, is she asking about, um, distracting them when they’re, when they’re on the potty to, to go? Or is it that, that they, they don’t want to go in the potty and then they will go and they’re napping elsewhere when you leave them alone?

 

U:            Uh, it was both that if they’re on the potty and, uh, not wanting to, to go or they want to stand up or something and but you can distract them and then they will relax and pee or that you want them to come to the potty, you see the need to pee but they don’t wanna come and then you distract them or play or something and they will, uh, change their mind and have to come to the potty and relax and pee.

 

M:           Oh, okay. Yes, so I, I read that differently.

 

U:            No, I think it was my translation. Yeah, no, my English translation wasn’t that correct but it’s very very common, yeah. I think most people see it in different ages. Uh, I would interpret that as, that that baby is communicating, like I want stuff in another way. It could be for a young, young child, or it could be like it’s too cold or I don’t like the bright light shining into my eyes or, um, you you’re holding me in a way that’s not comfortable or I have air, I need to burp first or I need to, I have too much stomach in, food in my stomach so you can’t hold me in this way. So they might want to change or for the older child, I would usually say that, or as the parent like what interests the baby. Uh, right now, can you integrate what interests the baby right now into your potty routine like it could be like right now, sound is very fun so maybe to have something to, um, play like a drum, drum on something or is it just fun to open stuff, uh, or is it fun to, um, have a book with sound or is, is language focus right now so maybe you want to sign together with the child or doing stuff like that. Um, if the baby continues to protest, I would not recommend to keep the baby on the potty, it is better to do something else for awhile and you could try, if you really need, know that the baby needs to. And it’s usually the baby feels much more satisfied giving a poop on the potty, you could like carry your child for awhile and then you usually put signals again, and. ‘Cause when you, when you carry the child, no matter what age, um, it will, the signals will be more clear and it can probably hold itself as well, it won’t pee on you, depending on the age and stuff like that but, uh, like if the baby is in a, um, doing like a phase of development, um, it will, it might pee on you but otherwise, usually they don’t, so.

 

M:           Yeah. Um, I think this is, uh, a good point to, uh, mention especially for U.K. listeners where, EC, isn’t as popular over here. The, um, the elimination communication, uh, is not a form of potty training. The focus is on the communication side of things and, um, I know with people who I’ve known over here who practiced it and myself as well. Um, a lot of the, the issues that we sometimes run into, um, can be surrounding our need to let go of being in charge, and putting our complete trust in this little person which can be very hard to do especially with, um, society telling us you know, who should be in charge and everything. And also the, the love-, lovely side effect of EC being the you know, we can catch pees and poos away from the body, less mess and everything. Um, there can be a bit of a, sort of, you enjoy that side of things, so you want it to continue sort of thing. So, so when communication issues do come up, it can be quite frustrating, you know?

 

U:            Mm-hmm.

 

M:           So, yeah. This for people who maybe…

 

U:            Yeah, and most, most people use, um, use a diaper on the baby as a back up.

 

M:           Yeah. Same here.

 

U:            Full time or part time or just, and you use, I think it’s important when it comes to elimination communication that you practice it as a level that’s, uh, functional for your family or like, um, some people only do it at home, some people only do it when they’re out and about because it’s easier if you’re carrying them a lot.

 

M:           I, I have a question for you, about this whole, the whole elimination communication thing, because, um, it’s very much, from all the information that I have read over the years , it’s very much, sort of offered up as this thing that you can practice as little or as much as possible and it won’t affect the baby or child in any way. Um, but for me, I’ve felt that each family obviously needs to practice it to whatever level is most beneficial for themselves as you just said, but, is there, is there an issue that comes up if we’re not keeping the dialogue going? Do you know what I mean? If, um, so…

 

[Crosstalk]

 

M:           You know, if we’re saying, oh, we’re, um, I’m only going to it when I’m at home, I’m not going to do it when I’m out. Is it, is it detrimental in any way to then switch off and effectively ignore the baby’s signals when you’re out and about? You know, to, when they’re expecting you to communicate back to them, how do you feel about that?

 

U:            For most babies, I would say I don’t think there’s any like bad thing or so, because they would learn that okay, in this environment home, we do it like this. In another environment, being outside, okay, we don’t. And, and they can also be different like with, okay, the mother does it this way, and um, the, if she got a partner and does the Father or the other mother to the baby does it another way, and usually babies learn that, okay, different grown-ups will take care of me in different ways. Um, and they will be fine with that. But, if the baby is really showing clear signs that it wants to poop on the potty, it wants to poop in a position, spread squat position. Then it can be difficult not to listen to that, because it might, uh, give the baby constipa-, constipation if you don’t listen to those signals, Uh, but usually with those babies, you probably pretty motivated to facilitate opportunity to poop on a potty or a toilet, because usually it’s, I mean it’s much less mess to take care, take care of. And usually those babies will hold themselves for a bit also and they would be probably pretty loud and wanting communication. So if you, if you have a baby who’s really showing clear signals that I won’t, I’m going to poop in the potty, otherwise I’m not gonna poop. Then, of course, you have to facilitate that, otherwise.

 

M:           So what, what I’m kind of more thinking about is just, literally, just communication side of things rather than the act of helping them to eliminate. Um, and it’s just because, um, because I’ve, my observations, my limited observations, as not many people I know have actually practiced it over here and with my children especially, um, has been noticing the frustration when they’re trying to communicate and like we’re not responding back to them. So, like for example, um…

 

U:            Do you mean just with elimination communication? Or communication in general?

 

M:           Well, I guess communication in general but I’m specifically talking about EC at the moment. Um, so, what I’m trying to ask is, um, is it important to actually just keep the dialogue going? You know, if we’re seeing the communication happening. Um, or does it teach them when we’re not listening to them. So, for example, um…

 

U:            But you can listen, but you can listen and give another suggestion.

 

M:           Yeah, no this is why I’m saying.

 

U:            Like, okay, mommy doesn’t have time to take you to the potty right now so you can pee on your diaper.

 

M:           Exactly.

 

U:            So, yeah, continue communicating but then, I think if you then continue saying that, uh, I hear you, you can pee in your diaper, uh, of course they can continue for months on to communicate that they were peeing on their diaper but I think a lot of babies will stop communicating them, like we had the flu, the family had the flu, uh, and I was like too exhausted to do anything about listening to the signal. So I think it took maybe two days and my baby stops signaling, and my baby was about 6 months or something. And then after two weeks, I was like, okay, now I’m ready again. And then it took about half a day and he would start signaling again. And he didn’t seem like, it was like okay, you know, maybe we’re on again, you know and I think so much is happening in the baby’s development, continually they have certain like days or weeks when they make leaps in the development but otherwise they continue development all the time, so I think so much new stuff is happening and like their, their world are changing at these leaps. So I think, uh, I don’t, I think babies will learn okay, now we have a new routine, uh, but it’s, it’s like if you look at like attachment is important that like you try to listen to the baby’s signals and of course you can miss as well, it’s not like the baby’s gonna have a, the baby will still have a secure attachment even though you like miss a feeding or miss a communication but feeding, but like if you do it sometimes during the day you will answer the baby’s feeding signals and sometimes during the day you will be like oh no, you can just lay there and scream, you know.

 

M:           Yeah.

 

U:            The attachment won’t be secure. But I don’t think, since the baby will pee, it will pee in the diaper, in the pants they have on them, it’s not like when it comes to feeding it needs, this time it needs to get full, you know. But with the elimination communication they can still eliminate wherever they are, even though, I think it’s, I think it’s a difference compared to feeding.

 

M:           Yeah, yeah. I agree with that. Um, I think it goes back to, [again 00:33:29], doesn’t it the, every baby and child is individual, um, responds differently to different situations.

 

U:            Yea, and there’s something I would also like to add, yeah, something yeah, sorry.

 

M:           It’s okay.

 

U:            No, but something I would like to add as well is that when it comes to elimination communication if, if the parent or the, the caregivers giving too much focus on the elimination communication, getting too stressed or like able to catch every pee of stuff like that. Usually the baby gets tired of that and the parent gets tired of that as well and then the baby will start to protest…

 

[Crosstalk]

 

U:            Not wanting to sit on the potty, so it’s like, um, it’s a balance there so, um…

 

M:           I definitely agree with that, yeah. The hovering and yeah, trying to…

 

U:            Yes, that doesn’t work so you need to have kinda like a relax, uh, you need to be relaxed but also at the same time be, you have to be attentive maybe, but also relaxed about it. So, um…

 

M:           Yeah, definitely. And they pick up on your stress don’t they, anyway.

 

U:            And usually, yeah, and usually was like for me carrying like baby wearing [Inaudible 00:34:45] and I was carrying is so much connected to a baby wearing because if you carry your baby in your arms where you have it in a sling or a carrier, self-carry, it makes usually elimination communication so much easier.

 

M:           Yes.

 

U:            But cause you don’t have to be attentive by looking at the baby or you could just, you have the baby in your body and you feel the baby’s expressing like grunting or not feeling well comfortable you feel it such, you feel the subtle, uh, communication from the baby and usually the baby will hold the pee and the poop if it’s communicating it will hold the pee and poop longer when you have it in your body, not for like hours but say for like 5 minutes or 15 minutes when it’s 6 months old.

 

M:           ‘Cause they don’t want to eliminate on you do they.

 

U:            Yeah, so there’s like, so I would say like to carry the baby is really really, um, using babywearing is very beneficial when it comes to EC.

 

M:           Yeah. So I thought maybe we can, um, answer another one of the question.

 

U:            Mm-hmm.

 

M:           Um, which will also tie in to, um, carrying and communication. So, if we cover a bit of that at the end as well about, um, communication when they are being carried in arms, um, we’ve talked a lot about EC which is helpful as well.

 

U:            Yeah, got a lot of…

 

[Crosstalk]

 

M:           Yeah, it’s a fascinating subject isn’t it. Um, but yeah, maybe we can talk a little bit about the ways, um, babies and children communicate on body on the carrying process.

 

U:            Mm-hmm.

 

M:           Um, so, where should we start with that? Shall we start by talking about that or answer the question first, do you think?

 

U:            I guess we could say the question, it was the one with linear [Inaudible 00:36:46] and I guess with the, I would like to get suggestion on how to answer when people say my baby does not want to be in the sling or a carrier.

 

M:           Yeah, that’s one.

 

U:            And I guess we talk about that also last episode, uh, and then we referred to babies being about 4 months old and protesting and being in the sling and carrier and, um, you could try if you were sling and a carrier you could try with different position, I guess, uh, to see if the baby is more satisfied, maybe we can have in our [mouth 00:37:20] or sit on the hip or so. But, but also to take the baby out of the sling and a carrier is also a suggestion, so may-, because maybe the baby is communicating here that it wants to be more active and it’s carrying and then not to be restrained by a sling or a carrier.

 

M:           Yeah, so this, that kind of tends to be sort of the missing piece of information, generally doesn’t it? When it comes to this, um, this issue for [caregivers? 00:37:54]. Um, the fact that, there is another, another possibility, um, to resolve what’s going on here in terms of the, the active in arms carrying as it’s not well known, obviously. But yeah. So babies can and will communicate, they won’t be active participants in carrying. And when they’re communicating, this, it’s interesting because the type of communication that goes on between, um, baby and caregiver in active carrying is different to in slings and carriers. Uh, we’ve touched on this before, I think, um, possibly in the previous podcast or just, you know, in our general chats, so anyway, um, the active carrying, is something which happens during in active and alert state, the baby needs to be in certain state of alertness, um, to participate in this. And the communication that goes on between baby and caregiver at this level with the environment around them, tends to be fairly different to the communication that goes on in slings and carriers, isn’t it? Um, yeah, I think it was last episode wasn’t it? Where you mentioned somebody had mentioned to you, how they had noticed, you know, my baby is never bored when they’re actively being carried.

 

U:            Yeah yeah.

 

M:           Yeah. So, yeah. That’s, it’s really interesting way for communication there, you know, I don’t want to be in the sling or carrier. Um, obviously, sometimes we need them to be and need to work around that but if we don’t need to, if we don’t need them to be in there, maybe, uh, we can try meeting that need, um, in a different way and see if it’s that they want to be carried actively.

 

U:            If the baby are in the sling or carrier, and it’s frustrated like its being sleeping and then wake up and screams or wriggles and really clear with about wanting to get out. It can also be, uh, that it needs to pee and poop, uh, and it’s a signal and really clearly. So that’s also an answer to this question or something that you can try if the, if the baby doesn’t want to sit in the sling or a carrier. Try to let it out and if you practice elimination communication, you can put it on the potty or hold it over the sink, or if you don’t practice elimination communication, you could say like hold your baby in a spread squat position, you keep the diaper on and just hold it on your lap but you face the baby outwards. Could be something to try. and then maybe the baby is satisfied with, um, sitting tummy to tummy in your arms or to go back in the sling and carrier again after it has [Inaudible 00:41:07] possible to pee or poop. And if they need to poo, of course you have to change the diaper after that. I mean why it’s important to listen to baby communications has different levels and I guess at a very basic and very important level is when we answer baby’s needs like for feeding and do that as a routine, not once in a while, we do it as a routine. We always, as much as we can try to answer baby’s needs, uh, they are building a pathways of neurons in their brain that are making expec-, expectations of positive outcomes of their needs like I feel hungry, uh, okay, my mom and dad answer to this need in a certain way, okay. And then if they continues to answer in a certain way, a lot of times like feeding them, um, they will have a positive expectation of okay, my need is important and it will be met. And what also you could see when the baby grows older if you feel like use baby sign language to give the baby more opportunities to be able to communicate, you know, much less frustration. And, and I guess that’s also like why [is potty to be 00:42:31] important to listen to the baby’s communication when it comes to carrying, I think also because she could, how much, less frustration. And I do think, um, it’s difficult to understand baby communication for most of us, you learn as you kind of go on with your baby, the parent is the best one to interpret the baby, it doesn’t matter maybe, it can never be an expert on someone else’s baby. So it’s, always, the parents is the best, uh, at interpreting the baby but it can still be difficult, but, um, I think when it comes to carrying it’s important because it’s, um, you also are showing that okay, your communication is important to me, with you’re trying to communicate and I’m trying to understand. And then babies are okay also with being misunderstood and gave many many opportunities also but when it comes to EC, they gave many opportunities to try to understand. Uh, and if you don’t understand, they will start communicate in another way. Um, um, but it’s like if a feeding is a very basic level, I guess communication when it comes to carrying is also important but it’s not like, I’m thinking like when it comes building a secure attachment, you have many different. Um, 2 or so scenarios or situations in your everyday life that will help you with the secure attachment. So you don’t have to carry, you don’t have to use elimination communication to get a secure attachment but it can help out in your everyday life.

 

M:           Yeah, yeah. And I think it’s, um, it’s important to kind of, sort of flip it the other way round and, think about you know, why is it, like you say, why is it important to listen to and communicate back to your baby or child. Um, if we think about well, how would we feel? Or how do we feel if we try and communicate something, to someone and [Laughs] funny enough, uh, this is happening to me yesterday with my husband, going round around in circles trying to like, communicate something and he’s just, he’s, he’s not listening to what I’m saying, he’s hearing the words that he wants. [Laughs] And it’s so frustrating and we think oh, my goodness, can you imagine? You know, I’m being a-, I’m able to articulate what I’m trying to say and this is just [wilful 00:45:08] misunderstanding [Laughs] in this situation. But you think of a baby or child who’s having to communicate in all these different ways to you know, the caregiver, you know, may not understand and stuff like how, how frustrating it must be if you know, if we’re not making a conscious effort to communicate back to them as well because tha-, that’s not the thing where they say, it’s a two-way street, it’s not just about the baby communicating to you, you know, it’s reinforcing, yes, I did hear you, you know, when they made this like even as a newborn say oh, I hear you, you need to go pee, or oh, whatever, it’s building up a two-way, two way dialogue, isn’t it? So, yeah.

 

U:            Yeah. And as well when it comes to carrying to communicate with them verbally about what’s going to happen, uh, like I’m gonna put you up on my back or, uh, I’m gonna lift you up and do that communicate verbally will also help them especially when they get a little bit older to be prepared, okay, now I’m going back in the back, and this like, if you’re gonna, you’re holding the baby on a slide and it’s quite small and you maybe you count down and say okay, on three, I’m gonna put, you’re gonna go down the slide, um, for them to prepare their body. Uh, and I know you have written, write a blog post about that as well that you could give us a study that you could see that the babies prepare themselves to be lift up, because they see that you’re coming, so mean you communicate with your body language, um, but you can also, um, communicate even more clearly or in several ways by usually body language but also use your voice as well, telling them what’s going to happen.

 

M:           Yeah. Well, this is, as, as we thought, this is a really fascinating subject and we could do multiple podcasts on it. And, um, maybe in the future one, um, we can do one about, um, the, yeah, actually focusing on the communication in the carrying process.

 

U:            Mmm.

 

M:           Um, so maybe, maybe you listeners can ask now if that is something that you may want to hear from us about in the future.

 

U:            Yes and give us some questions as well, if you have certain questions about carrying in and communication.

 

M:           Mmm, mm-hmm.

 

U:            I think maybe now where I got more questions about elimination communication, when I ask for questions on like baby communication is, because it’s, it’s so clear, communication is so clearly connected to elimination communication for everyone, practicing it and maybe for the ones practicing baby wearing or in arms carrying, they don’t think that much about the communication, even though it’s such a central part of it.

 

M:           Yeah. You see it’s fascinating and I’m sure we will do many more podcasts, focusing on different aspect about it as well.

 

U:            Yes, everything is like linked together. And I’m, okay, so I guess we say bye for now.

 

M:           Yup.

 

U:            To this episode. Okay.

 

M:           Bye.

 

U:            Bye.

Blöjfri bebis böcker – sommarrabatt

Firar in sommaren med rabatt på samtliga Blöjfri bebis böcker i Blöjfri bebis webshop hela juni.

Passa på att komma igång med, eller få en skjuts i, babypottning, potträning, babytecken, BLW m.m

Om Blöjfri bebis böcker

Ulrika Casselbrant som driver Nära bebis och Blöjfri bebis har författat och gett ut flertalet böcker på temat lyhört föräldraskap. Pågående bokprojekt är en bok om att bära barn i bärsjal, bärsele och i famnen.

Bok Bebis på pottan
Bebis på pottan (2014) av Ulrika Casselbrant
Allt du behöver veta om babypottning/EC och potträning, barn 0-3år. Hur ni kommer igång oavsett barnets ålder, råd och stöd på vägen, forskning, föräldrars, berättelser,
och mycket mer.

Se Ulrika Casselbrant berätta om babypottning och potträning i TV4 Nyhetsmorgon

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Potträning
Potträning (2014) av Ulrika Casselbrant
För en smidig Potträning, barn 1,5-3år.

Lyssna på BVC-podden när Ulrika Casselbrant pratar om potträning med barnpsykologen Malin Bergström.

Till Blöjfri bebis webshop

 

babytecken-bok
Babytecken (2016) av Ulrika Casselbrant
Boken Babytecken ger dig inspiration och vägledning för att komma igång med babytecken. Ta del av teckenillustrationer, sånger och många tips på hur babytecken blir en rolig och hjälpsam del av er vardag. Boken ger dig inblick i andra föräldrars erfarenheter av babytecken och vad forskning säger om ämnet. Du som är förskolepedagog
och intresserad av att praktisera babytecken i er verksamhet har också glädje av denna bok.

Se Ulrika Casselbrant berätta om babytecken och boken i Aftonbladets Älskade unge

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100 gånger amning (2016) av Jennie Bondesson
BLW – barnstyrd tillvänjning av fast föda blir mer och mer populärt i Sverige. BLW innebär att bebisen äter alldeles själv från start och själv väljer hur och i vilken takt den ska komma igång med att utforska mat. BLW är ett vänligt och lyhört sätt att introducera familjens mat och passar perfekt för familjer som vill minimera jobbet och maximera myset vid middagsbordet.I den här boken får du veta allt du behöver för att starta en fantastisk matresa tillsammans med din bebis. Hoppa över burkpuré, välling och bebisgröt och låt i stället ditt barn njuta av familjens goda mat direkt! Du kommer att få handfasta tips på hur man praktiserar BLW och samtidigt följer svenska näringsrekommendationer.

Se Ulrika Casselbrant berätta om BLW i Aftonbladets Älskade unge

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amningsboken-utkast-omslag-02-300px
100 gånger amning
(2016) redaktör Ulrika Casselbrant
Fotoboken 100 gånger amning ger en unik inblick i amning i vår samtid. Amning sker överallt och vid alla tider på dygnet. Det kan vara både underbart, knöligt, smidigt och frustrerande. Varje enskilt barn- och föräldrapar har sin unika amningsresa. Till detta bokprojekt har över 100 ammande i 400 bilder velat dela med sig av sina erfarenheter av amning. I boken bjuds vi på ett urval. Varsågoda – amning med barn 0-3 år, från vardag, fest och fjäll.

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Bajsmonstret (2016) av Ulrika Casselbrant

Det snälla Bajsmonstret behöver kiss för att kunna vattna sina blommor. Det längtar också efter bajs. Bajsmonstret är boken för barn som har svårt att släppa blöjan. Boken uppskattas också av torra barn som tycker kiss och bajs är det roligaste som finns.

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Bajsmonstret – målarbok (2016) av Ulrika Casselbrant
Det snälla Bajsmonstret behöver kiss för att kunna vattna sina blommor. Det längtar också efter bajs.

Bajsmonstret är boken för barn som har svårt att släppa blöjan. Boken uppskattas också av torra barn som tycker kiss och bajs är det roligaste som finns. I Bajsmonstret – målarbok kan ni själva färglägga Bajsmonstrets härliga berättelse.

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Back to basics – babies, bodies and behaviour

Tillsammans med Mel Cyrille, som är bärandekonsult och författare till boken In arms carrying har jag dragit igång en pod, Back to basics – babies, bodies and behaviour. Podden är tänkt att beröra allt från bärande, babypottning, barfota,  föräldraskap och mer!

Här kommer vårt pilotavsnitt. I avsnittet har vi fokus på bärande av barn i armarna/famnen och de primitiva reflexer som barnet använder för att hjälpa till vid bärandet. Vi kommer även in på en del annat! Lyssna till eller ladda ner avsnittet här. Du hittar det även där poddar finns, hos tex Acast och Podcaster. Se transkription av avsnittet nedan.

Transkription Back to basics – babies, bodies and behavior
Avsnitt 1 In-arms carrying – reflexes

Ulrika: “Welcome to this pod with Mel Cyrille and Ulrika Casselbrant and I guess we should start with introducing ourselves. My name is Ulrika and I live in Stockholm Sweden, and I’m a babywearing consultant and also elimination communication consultant. I wrote a book about Elimination Communication and I’m very much into babywearing and in-arms carrying as well.”

Mel: “I’m Mel, l’m from Carried, and I’m a babywearing and in-arms trainer and the author of in-arms carrying. My work has a very strong in-arms focus which I incorporate into my babywearing trainings too.”

Ulrika: “Yes, and we decided on that a pod may be good to be able to discuss some of the subjects and I guess we are probably going to start out with in-arms carrying today….”

Mel: “Yep” *laughs*

Ulrika: “….and maybe start out with like, a definition….

Mel: “Yes”

Ulrika: “….like, what is in-arms carrying?”

Mel: “Yeah”

Ulrika: “….if you want to take that one….how do you see in-arms carrying?”

Mel: “So…in-arms carrying is basically an umbrella term for anything from holding through to independent clinging, basically. It’s sort of, on body behaviours, basically, so we’re talking about a spectrum of how we support babies on our bodies.”

Ulrika: “Yes. And what about reflexes has to do with this?”

Mel: “OK, so, in the beginning, when babies are born they’re born with a whole host of primitive reflexes and these reflexes are for things like
feeding so they, they, they help babies to survive basically. So feeding reflexes and, like, the rooting and sucking reflex as it enables them to To ingest milk without being aware of how to do it….

Ulrika: “Mmm hmm”

Mel “….so with the carrying reflexes they enable the baby to sort of fit to our body and help with the carrying process before they are aware of how to do it voluntarily….”

Ulrika: “Mmm hmm”

Mel “….yes.”

Ulrika: “And there are a bunch of reflexes helping this and one of the most people notice without thinking about carrying or not, is like when you pick up a newborn baby, they pull up their knees….”

Mel: “Yep that’s right, yep.”

Ulrika: “….so that’s one of them.”

Mel: “Yeah.”

Ulrika: “And it’s very different to carry the baby if it has the knees up or dangling down….”

Mel: “Absolutely, yes.”

Ulrika: “….such a big difference, so they’re really really helping out with this reflex

Mel: “Yup that’s right.”

Ulrika: “But then, on the body something interesting is happening as well – like if the feet are pulled down or their they’re losing the foot down…. I’m sorry for my English, it’s going to be a bit rocky….I know!” *laughs*

Mel: *laughs* “It’s absolutely fine, we know what you’re talking about!”

Ulrika: “But, uh, Yes I think we’ll be able to manage if I don’t have to spell….”
Mel: *laughs*

Ulrika: “Yes, yes….But, yeah, when the foot slips down there is also a reflex or two and it do you want to talk some about that?”

Mel: “Yeah, so, basically, the different reflexes tend to be talked about as separate things and, sort of the reaction elicited by it and salt together but when we look at the reflexes in action, they they work together harmoniously, and they can sort of trigger a chain reaction sort of thing so the foot reflexes, the grasping and fanning actions of the feet, so we’ve got the plantar grasp reflex and Babinski’s sign in babies – these, these are normal reflexes to have and the grasping reflex helps with clinging onto the body and is one thought to be thought to be a leftover reflex from when humans had lots of body hair…. but we see it in action all the time on the body anyway, and it helps a clinging onto clothing and onto skin as well. It still is used in carrying and the Babinski sign is the sort of stabilising action so the toes fan out and it creates a wider surface to stabilize on the body with but also while, while these reflexes are happening if if the foot and leg slip down the body and these reflexes are happening at the same time you get this this reaction of the leg being brought up. So it’s, it’s a sort of a correctional sort of reflex this but it’s umm….but of course it is triggered by the foot, the, the….*sighs* *laughs* can’t think of the word now!”

Ulrika: *laughs*

Mel: “….but, yeah, it’s, it’s coming through from sensations from the foot. So it’s, its most commonly known as the Stepping reflex but when we look at it on the body, it’s what I like to call a clinging adjustment reflex, because that action of the sudden trigger of the leg and knee coming up and sort of forwards as well on the body is enabling them to cling onto the body and correcting their position from having slipped down, so coming back up….. I don’t know if if that explains it well enough I’m not really good with describing in words!” *laughs*

Ulrika: “Mmm….I can see them making this, like, really high…knees, and it doesn’t look like walking actually.”

Mel: “No!”

Ulrika: “It looks more like this military exercise….for I don’t know, some kind of, show or parade or something!”

Mel: “Yes, exactly! And it’s like, it’s been given this name, oh, well, it looks like a weird form of walking so we’re going to call it the “stepping reflex” but….when, when, for SO many reflexes, when you look at them in action on the body, it’s, it’s like, you know, you’re putting…. you just see, you see it from from a completely different perspective and so, so, so many of the reflexes primitive and postural reflexes are used in carrying. So, so many are linked to carrying, and it feels like I keep discovering more and more related to carrying and it’s so exciting!” *laughs*

Ulrika: “But why is this something that we’re discovering now? Why is this not something that the doctor is telling you when you go with your first appointment with your baby?

Mel: “Because….*laughs* it’s a couple of things….well probably more than a couple of things, but two big things that stand out for me are…. Patriarchy – so science and what have you, well, the recorded science that we have comes from a male perspective. You know, when these reflexes were being found and everything….

Ulrika: “It was men, you know, not taking care of babies and making the definitions.”

Mel: “….yeah, exactly. So it’s, coming from, from a different perspective again but also we, we haven’t been carrying our babies normally for a very, very, very long time. I mean, you know, you know how, how little there is, recorded history of carrying our babies and the, the little history that we have found, it is not to do with carrying as you and I have come to know it!”

Ulrika: “Yeah, yeah….”

Mel: “So we haven’t had any sort of, point of reference before, so that’s why, that’s why it’s so important for us to be getting this message out there and alerting the people who, who will then be able to take this further and, you know, talk to parents about this you know?”

Ulrika: “Yes and I’m thinking that this with carrying both babywearing and in-arms is….should be an interesting field to dig into for research. It’s like, it’s the biomechanics of two bodies, a lot of tissue, a lot of nerves, a lot of like, muscles going on. The needs of the one carrying, the needs of the one being carried, and communication, like cultural aspects and like how
cultural influences how we carry and what decisions we are making and what needs we have in the culture we live in and….such an interesting field to do research on. And how it affects our lives as well. Every day lives of mothers and fathers because everyone is carrying….” *laughs*

Mel: “Yeah, pretty much everyone does it every single day!”

Ulrika: “‘Cause it’s like, included in taking care of children and I guess it’s like, because it’s such an everyday thing people do that’s also a part of life. I have been recording and documenting some of, I’m going through this archive with a lot of like, old Swedish pictures of people, people have sent in, recording history, that’s like, thirty, thirty thousand, and in Swedish it’s called …….. I think, and I found a couple of carrying, but it’s not a lot like, it’s on Christmas trees and picturing people doing like, their everyday chores with their, with their babies.”

Mel: “Yes. And I think, as well, the lack of information and history, again it’s coming back to who was recording history, you know, so….it’s, it’s, it really wasn’t seen as something important, you know, the mother’s work and stuff and….. I have a book, I’m just going to check to see when it was written but I found this awesome book a while back when I was doing some research into elimination communication to, to try and find out a bit more about how we used to practice EC to a certain extent you know, over the ages, you know. It was common for babies to be potty trained by 1 so…. it was from 1964 but it’s, it’s going back in time as well, but, um, yeah! Nothing about holding or carrying your baby. Lots of interesting stuff about feeding and nappying and all that sort of thing, but nothing nothing about holding and carrying, and it’s just, it’s just not been thought of as a THING, basically, ‘cause it’s just seen as something we do to or for the baby. It’s not seen as a reciprocal thing is it?”

Ulrika: “Mmmm….so I guess back to the reflexes then as that’s been discussed about why we don’t know more about this, but looking into it, it gets more and more clear when you see it actually. But there’s also with the body alignment of the child with, it’s very different to carry a small baby that is leaning into you or if it’s leaning back, or, or, if it’s wobbly, it really affects how heavy it feels when you carry the baby. So even when it’s sleeping, and not really active, it’s still active with its body I would say with its posture.”

Mel: “Yeah absolutely. Yeah so you see it, so some, some reflexes are won’t be elicited in deep sleep but we see the….what do we call it? The squat reflex? I don’t know, but the, the knees up…..

Ulrika: “Yeah, the squat reflex could be a good name.”

Mel: “So, we, we see that reflect in Action even when they’re in deep sleep on the body don’t we, so it’s like it’s designed to help, help them bear some of their weight. I mean we, we played around with, with the demo dolls in Sweden didn’t we – feeling the difference between a demo doll which has been wired so that the knees are up and this has adopted that posture and the demo doll with legs down it affects both how it fits to the body obviously but also how heavy it feels, it’s all part…..

Ulrika: “Yes, I couldn’t imagine, I couldn’t imagine before trying that it will be such a difference but it really really is, definitely. So what do we have more when it comes to the reflexes? Because the one the doctors say is one of the strongest ones left over from history, from prehistoric time, the ones clinging to the hair, the reflex of the gripping of the, the fingers and the hands.

Mel: “Oooo, yeah, so that’s still seen in action in carrying, it’s still used, I mean you just all you have to do is just watch somebody hold their baby and you see, you see it in action – it’s not just about body hair at all, so yeah, it’s really interesting on the body – so many and one that I’ve been looking into recently actually, which isn’t a primitive reflex, it stays for life. It’s to do with boys and I’m not sure if I’m going to pronounce it correctly but…. I’m just going to look at the word to try and pronounce it * laughs* cremasteric [cree-masteric] reflex or cremasteric [crem-asteric], something like that but it’s, it’s to do with when, when either one or both testicles draws up into the body….”

Ulrika: “Ohhh yes! Ok then, yes, Katy Bowman speaks about that one….”

Mel: “Oh does she! Ah, awesome.”

Ulrika: “Yes. You shouldn’t wear underwear – men shouldn’t wear underwear because it can’t work properly….yeah.”

Mel: “OK, interesting, I’ll have to look that up.”

Ulrika: “And maybe there could be links to like, prostate cancer…..she’s just speculating, yeah, but yeah.”

Mel: “OK, so with carrying…. So I have this massive, massive thing about knots being tied under bums in babywearing, you know, just, just, just keep everything away from the bum, kind of thing because of the pressure created over time. So I got to thinking about carrying, you know, as I have boys, and I got to thinking about how, you know, what what happens with the testicles kind of thing and got to thinking about, you know, this reflex and stuff, and sort of kind of observed it in action with Isaac as well. It’s, and it’s elicited by stroking or pressure to, to the inner thigh and it’s like…. “oh my God we have another one!” ‘Cause I’d been thinking about um….’cause obviously I don’t FEEL his testicles when I’m carrying him, and you know, you’re thinking about where, where you’re carrying them and you know get to the bony part of the hip as well obviously, when, when they’re actively clinging it’s less of an issue about where they’re positioned on your body because they’re gripping as opposed to bearing all of their weight on to certain part of the body, but, but yeah this reflex is in action in carrying as well and I find it amazing….”

Ulrika: “What happens when it’s triggered?”

Mel: “The testicles are drawn up into the body.”

Ulrika: “….they are drawn up? And then they are heated up against….coz that’s like part of the muscle….”

Mel: “Sorry?”

Ulrika: “They lose…. part of their muscle use…reflex, they should be loosened when they are too hot so they can cool down, why they can move up and down.”

Mel: “So yeah, it’s just, yeah another, I mean like I always say we’ve only scratched the surface with carrying and just it’s amazing how, how many things that you wouldn’t think are linked to carrying actually are linked to carrying and, just yeah, how amazing….”

Ulrika: “But what happen if you carry the small baby on your hip, I can’t really, not having a baby here, I can’t really see where, like, the, the….the boy’s “package”, I don’t know what you would call it in English, but where is it, where does it, does it come towards like, your belly or….depending
on how they sit I guess? So if they cling actively, there is not the pressure on it, but they would still be pushed up by this?”

Mel: “So, um, when they’re sitting in a legs up kind of position then it kind of all comes up and onto your body if that makes sense, it just….squishes, basically! *laughs* So yeah, yet another very useful side effect of skin to skin carrying – you get to see what is actually happening, so yeah, and this is kind of where thoughts about what is happening with the testicles and stuff came from, when I had had a shower with him and observing where everything was. But yeah….”

Ulrika: “ Hmmm…Hello!!! We want some researcher to look into this please!”

Mel: “Yes! Please! Please!!!” *laughing* “But I guess also, we should mention what happens after the reflexes integrate – it’s not all about the reflexes is it? It all BEGINS with the reflexes….so maybe you want to take that one?”

Ulrika: “But you are the expert here on the subject! *laughing* I’m just coming with all these thoughts, um, you mean the reflexes are integrated? Yeah…umm and all reflexes are not integrated at the same time and some are not even integrated, they stay as reflexes, like sneezing or coughing if you get something in your throat it hurts like that, but sneezing and coughing it’s not that much connected to carrying, but who knows!”

Mel: “Oh don’t, you just put thoughts in my head about sneezing! What the body does when it sneezes….can you visualise that on-body, baby sneezing? And what the baby does? It’s linked to carrying – oh my God!” *laughs*

Ulrika: “Yes, it pulls itself forward! It does! So it makes a secure position being able to do that….”

Mel: “I LOVE Chatting with you – we have the best conversations!” *laughs*

Ulrika: “Yes that’s true, that’s….’cause it would be really bad for them if they did the opposite, you know? Throwing themselves back would be dangerous so it really is also an argument for, yeah, babies are used to be carried because in that position they would make themselves
safe….yeah…. But yeah, after a while these reflexes are integrated, like, the reflex. I don’t know what you call, I guess it’s like a combination of reflexes, like that they start to cling on your body with their, pressing their knees together, what reflex would that actually be connected to? Or is it like, several? Is it two, or several”

Mel: “Yeh it begins with that, yeah….”

Ulrika: “But is not just the squatting, it’s also they clinging of the knees together….”

Mel: “It’s umm…. I mean you can cling just down to the knees but depending on how they’re being carried, down the calf as well and all the way down to the foot, and it also depends on what they’re wearing as well doesn’t it, but like you say what what is the actual reflex? And the thing is I believe there’s a lot of undiscovered stuff out there. We’re trying to, sort of, work out what of the reflexes that have been discovered or whatever, what are related to carrying? But carrying is a completely different thing in and of itself isn’t it, and some of those reflexes are probably ones that we don’t know about, are probably ones which may, may not be seen elsewhere. Does that make sense?

Ulrika : “Mmm, yeah.”

Mel: “Yeah, so, yeah I’ve seen it as a combination of different reflexes. As as I said in the beginning, they they don’t tend to just work by themselves exclusively, only if we test them, they tend to work in sort of groups or pairs or you know, depending on what what’s happening so yeah I think we’re talking about uncharted territory here, basically. Because some of the reflexes ARE linked to it. Sorry….”

Ulrika: “No and maybe if a small baby also sneezes then it probably would press also the knees together so….I probably would imagine that would happen so….”

Mel: “They do! But yeah, so, this is why it’s so important to encourage the clinging behaviours, because a clinging baby feels LIGHTER than a non-clinging baby! You know, it’s like, I mean, I, I use a, my….”

Ulrika: “And the clinging, no sorry….”

Mel: “Sorry, no you….”

Ulrika: “So also, the clinging baby will also, it will benefit the building of muscles for the baby so the baby gets stronger earlier and can do….”

Mel: “But yeah….*sigh* it does, but at the same time, it gets stronger as it SHOULD.”

Ulrika: “Mmmm.”

Mel: “And that’s the thing, we’re, we’re not talking about, umm…”oooo let’s create some super babies, it’s literally just a normal part of their development, isn’t it, that a lot of babies are missing out on.”

Ulrika: “Yeah, we’ve lowered our minimum.”

Mel: “Mmmmm.”

Ulrika: “And that’s also like, expectations in different cultures, I’ve come across in reading as well, and some countries you expect a baby to be a much earlier crawler or a much earlier walker or steady, steady head and…these cultures they do a lot more carrying also more of baby massage and handling the babies in other ways. Not being really super careful….giving them more…..I can’t find the right…”

Mel: “Freedom of movement?”

Ulrika: “Yeah, yeah maybe and more like, challenges, more physical challenges.”

Mel: “Yeah, so like not treating them as….”delicate”, basically?”

Ulrika: “Yes. And of course then depending on like how strong they are and so on but not not expecting them to be really really super delicate.”

Mel: “Mmmm. So what I was saying about the thing with with slings…. so you know they, they feel lighter when they’re clinging that, that kind of leads on to the fact that what I call “active carrying” is where the baby is actively clinging but that’s also tied into their state of alertness as well isn’t it, it’s, active carrying is when is for when they are active and alert and in, in that kind of stage where they are wanting to move and interact with the environment and everything whereas babywearing is more of….can’t think of the word now….*laughing* Erm babywearing is more
passive, isn’t it, and erm, it inherently encourages sort of, stillness and calmness, doesn’t it?”

Ulrika: “Yeah and those times when the baby needs to be calmed or needs to sleep.”

Mel: “Yeah, so it’s obviously….you know, we can use carrying or babywearing for whatever we like, it’s just like, pointing out the biological baseline for it, isn’t it. It seems like this active carrying is intended for when they are at this sort of state of alertness, whatever point in time that may be, and that babywearing um, well if we look at cultures around the world where it hasn’t been um, where it hasn’t been lost in the culture, it tends to be very much “out of sight”, doesn’t it? Very very strongly linked to back carrying around the world and even in English history as well, back carrying is the type of carrying, babywearing we’ve seen in history as well. Um so it seems like babywearing has been used for freeing up the front of the body and we’re a bit strange in the fact we wear babies on the front, but we’re coming from a place of privilege where we can use babywearing as a bonding tool as well, you know, and, but it seems like, like babywearing was invented so, so that we can get on and do things without having to leave, leave a sleeping baby laying on the ground somewhere….so they’re still connected to us. So, but, like I say we can use either however we like. I mean I will sometimes carry my sleeping 2 year old, but, um, you know, in-arms, but I much prefer to put him in a sling, you know, because it frees up the front of my body and everything, but um, no we can use carrying when they’re tired and sleeping anyway, and we can use babywearing when they are awake and active as well, it’s just literally trying to work out this biological baseline as to what each, what each might have an intended purpose for. Does that make sense?”

Ulrika: “Yeah yeah definitely and something which really got my interest the other day connected to this was erm, it’s like ok, the mother or father carrying or someone else carrying, they have their needs, I need to do this and that and it would be convenient for me to do this, that’s one aspect yes. But then the baby has its needs as well, and a small baby has very few minutes of the day where it’s active and then those other minutes when it’s quite sleepy and it’s with a 4 month old much more nosy and have much more active time where it’s alert and can take in the world. And one one of the mothers the other day that I met and she said when I carry the baby and it is active in my arms it is never bored. And this is of course I think here is doing active stages also. It can be a bit
tricky though to have an awake baby at 4 months old in the sling. It wants to move its body and be out there and maybe it’s these 15 minutes – I have no idea of time here, I’m just picking a time – to let the baby be active then, and maybe it will go back to being more OK I’m at the stage where I need to cuddle and I need to recharge myself and then I’ll be OK with sitting in the sling.”

Mel: “Yeah and this is the thing, this whole “nosy baby” stage and forward facing out and everything, and erm, sort of in the sling world, the idea is kind of to fix this problem, in a sense. Not that the baby is a problem, but you’re having this problem that your baby wants to look around, so, so we’re looking at how we can adapt this to slings. Which obviously we still need to do because people will still want to use slings at certain times when their baby is doing these things, BUT….if we take a step back and look at the behaviours that are going on, if we can carry them, like you said, if you’ve got these 15 minutes or whatever where you CAN meet the need that they are signalling, then why not carry them in arms for a bit? Because active carrying is, OH! It’s interacting with the world and it’s movement, and they’re wanting to engage with you and the world as well aren’t they? So, yeah.”

Ulrika: “Yeh and move their body as well, so….”

Mel: “I fully agree with you that umm, if we do have time to meet that need, then just meet it, because as you say, they’re probably going to be more settled after that period of activeness, aren’t they? And um, and be more likely to settle in the sling or carrier after.”

Ulrika: “Mmmm. Maybe this is a good timeframe for, for an episode, I imagine, here.”

Mel: “Mmmm.”

Ulrika: “Yaaaay! Okay!”

Mel: “Woooo!”

Ulrika: “So this is a pilot thing we are doing to see if we can gather our discussions on record, and also share it with you listening and get your input and comments.”

Mel: “Yes. And ideas for future ones, because we have our own HUGE list!”

Ulrika: “OK, so bye for now!”